That moment when you hate your own bestfriend?
I literally feel like white walls are suffocating me. And im choking on my own words and the air. I feel like I’m buried 6 feet below my lowest point, and honetly am trapped in a maze with no direction to be free. Everyone that I have ever thought I knew have become ghosts, soulless creatures creeping into my existance. Even if they are in my life, they still dont care. Who do you ask when there’s no one left? Instanity has drilled me down to my core, and I feel like someone is pouring vinegear all over my open wound, and spitting on my dignity. All the respect from the people I respect has been stolen away, like how young teens steal other young teens virginty. The novel I’ve been writing, or as others call it ‘my life’ , has been burned down to ashes and put at my feet, like it’s taunting me. My heart burns with memories of all that I’ve accomplished, and how I threw it away. Memories are my worst enemy at the moment. It shall stay that way until I find a solution. I really am quite a happy person. Not being happy is such a, foreign concept for me to concieve actually. Nothing is real anymore. Nothing CAN be real anymore. But I will not be bitter. I can’t. That’s how life works. You PRETEND to be happy. You PRETEND to be content with how things are. You PRETEND to be yourself. Because the sad truth is. As hard as it is to think this, not everyone will accept you. Life is tough/confusing/bizarre you name it. It’s also beautiful. So even if you do feel like life won’t come back to you.. It will. It always will. Reality is reality. Good and bad. So you just have to remember, there will always be good, so try to block out the bad.
So this a friend of mine, Ian Jenkins. He had everything going for him. Hockey, school, friends, family. He had it all. Wednesday night he signed the papers to go play with the London Knights, at only 15 years old his hockey career was already on the rise. The next day, the unexpected happened. Who knew 18 hours after taking his dream to the next step he’d be in a hospital bed fighting for his life. He had a long road of recovery ahead if he made it. Friday came and went, Saturday and Sunday came and went and he was still laying there. Fighting for his life. Then Monday came and he couldn’t hold on any longer. His journey and everything he worked so hard to achieve was taken from him. He was taken from everything and everyone he’s ever known. The last thing he said to his dad before his accident, was “I love you.” You don’t know when things will end, so make every second count. But knowing Ian, he wouldn’t want anyone to dwell on the past, just embrace the future. His life motto was H.A.P: ‘Have A Purpose.’ And he did, he impacted the lives of so many people in such a short time. Even people who he never even met. Ian I know you’re listening, so do me a favor and continue to follow your dreams. You’re my inspiration to follow my dreams because anything is possible if you just believe. You proved that. I miss you so much. But you’re in a better place now, with God. You’re on his team now, make him proud<3
August 13th, 1995 you got your wings. May 23rd, 2011 you spread them and flew away.
Rest In Peace Ian Patrick Jenkins. You will never be forgotten. I promise.
Omfg, my old post from last year right after his accident. I fucking miss you so much. You are an angel from above, I hope you’re doing okay. I love you so much.
Will everyone please reblog this in memory of this being the one year mark of Ian’s death. Please reblog in honor of Ian Jenkins. RIP, I love you.
L-illian’s Giveaway!
reblog for a chance to win the following:
- Aqua Brand cashmere jumper size small
- Michael Kors leather jacket size medium
- Chi straightener
- Steve madden heels
- Marc Jacobs Daisy Perfume
- Leather bracelet with silver studs
- Organix rejuvinating cherry blossom ginseng shine finish spray
- 2 essie nail polishes in colors: a cut above and case study
- a bedazzled bic lighter that i personally bedazzled
*all of the items are unused
the rules:
- must be following l-illian - if you are chosen and you are not following me, you will NOT receive the items
- no likes
- reblog a maximum 10 times - if you reblog any more than that you will be disqualified
- the winner will be chosen randomly on march 1st
- the winner will be messaged
- i will ship anywhere
